Hi Loves,

I cannot thank you all enough for all your support, for all your emails and dm’s. It really means a lot to me that someone finally heard my story. I have to warn you now, events in Part 1 were in comparison to these, about which I’m going to write here, quite gentle.

When my fiancé left and I stayed alone with Mia, we are moved to the room, where one birthing mother is already sleeping with her newborn baby boy. Mia suddenly starts to act kinda tearful, so I immediately start to breastfeed her. After that, she takes a nap for 15 minutes and again starts to cry, so I repeat the process. She simply doesn’t calm down. She’s crying and crying, she wants to eat so badly, she’s trying very much, but of some reason, she isn’t satisfied. At this point I know that my baby’s hungry, which is rare, but it happens. I also know that right after giving birth, I can’t produce as much milk as she needs right now, so I call a nurse. She needs 15 minutes to come to my room and impolitely asks what do I want. I told her that I’m very much sure that my baby’s hungry and that I don’t produce as much milk and I ask her what can I do. She almost growls at me and tells me, that she can’t be hungry and that I just have to keep to breastfeeding her and she will calm down. I know that my baby’s hungry, I can feel it, so I kindly try to tell her once again, but she simply doesn’t listen. At this point, my roommate and her newborn baby are both awake, so I just decide to breastfeed Mia the whole night, hoping to stimulate the production of milk at least. But no. Mia is still crying and crying, crying the whole night and whole morning. When the doctor came at 10am the next morning, I told her that I feel that Mia’s hungry and she gives me just the same answer as the nurse before her. I feel like I’m going to loose it! No one’s listening!! I haven’t slept for more than 60 hours and I ask the nurse if she can watch Mia for just a while, so I can take a shower. She takes Mia out of the room and when I come back, Mia’s back in the room, sleeping very deeply and peacefully. I wonder what she did to her. When my fiancé comes to visit us, we both go to the nurse that took Mia and they’re having their coffee party right there, chatting, laughing. When we interrupt them, she impolitely asks us what do we want and I ask her, if she can please tell me, what she did to Mia that she’s so contentedly sleeping. She growls back at me: “This baby needs just a bit of love”, and starts to laugh. My fiancé is in complete shock, he’s standing there like a statue with that numb look on his face. I see that he can’t even speak and not even move. I start to cry, I’m completely exhausted and I just can’t deal with her.

There is no possible way to explain how I felt, I was so sad and completely traumatised by all the events that happened in this madhouse. I just couldn’t believe that everyone contradicted to my maternal instinct, which was very clear and strong. No one was listening, no one wanted to help. Every single nurse was so impolite, that it turned my stomach every time I spoke to one. I thought I might loose it right there. This wasn’t all, here’s much more to come.

We go back to the room and one hour later, one of the nurses comes, wanting to change Mia’s diapers. I beg her, not do that because she is still very peacefully sleeping and I tell her also what was going on with Mia, hoping she would help me. I beg her again not to wake her up, I also tell her that I’ll take care for her later, but of course not. The nurse is very impolite and intolerant, just like the rest of the hospital staff. She doesn’t want to tell me anything, doesn’t want to help at all. She wakes up Mia very roughly, like a complete mad woman. Mia starts to cry immediately, but the nurse, she just doesn’t care. She’s rolling her around like a piece of dead meat and just doesn’t care. I was so emotionally broken at this point that I yell at her, crying, to leave her alone. She left her right there and went out. Now here are two of us crying. At this point, I simply couldn’t calm down. Every event in this madhouse came after me and I couldn’t stop crying.

That is enough for my fiancé so he goes there, where the nurses are having evening party and the only thing I hear is his voice. He comes back and tells me, that I will be alone in this room tonight and that he arranged a dose of breastmilk substitute for Mia when she wakes up. I’m completely calm, hoping now everything is going to be just fine. When Mia wakes up, I call a nurse and now she needs much more than 15 minutes to come. At this point, Mia was crying very much on my breast and when the nurse came in, she started to lecture me about the breastfeeding, instead of giving me breastmilk subside. I told her that I really don’t care what she thinks because I do not have any breastmilk so I can’t feed her and ask her to bring me milk for my baby. I wasn’t even polite any more. She goes and when she comes back, she says that she’s taking Mia to intensive care. I was in complete disbelief. I couldn’t believe she’s going to do that, because the only think Mia needs is breastmilk substitute. The nurse completely denies that, she keeps telling me, that babies aren’t hungry and I keep saying to her that I know she gave Mia breastmilk substitute so she could sleep.

She takes Mia, I go with her, hoping to finally talk to some doctor that would listen. But no. Not even on intensive care, no one wants to listen. I visit my baby the next day and she had tube in her had. I ask in my full terror what they did to her and they tell me that they gave her antibiotic. I almost faint right there. The nurses are very impolite and about the doctors, I won’t even waist words. Physical abuse, insult and humiliation are one of the main virtues of the hospital staff there. The only thing that doctor wants is to excuse the behaviour of the nurse, who took Mia to intense care, instead of bringing me breastmilk substitute. He took tones and tones of tests on Mia, but there was absolutely nothing wrong with her. Mia’s test results are all negative, absolutely perfect, so they immediately take the tube of poison out of her head the next day. No one ever apologised, no one ever admitted that what they did to us, was not just wrong, but oh my goodness, I don’t even have word to explain that. There was only one nurse that came to me and said that I was absolutely right, that my baby was just hungry. She told me that she drinks 60-70 ml milk per meal and then proposed, that we go and pump the milk out of my breasts, just to prove myself that I was right. After one hour, I pumped 10 ml of milk. That’s nothing. I was so right.

I finally got my baby out of this madhouse and since then she’s getting breastmilk substitute at each meal, never cries and sleeps 8-9 hours per night. Me and my fiancé tried to talk through all these events millions of times, hoping to heal the wounds, but it seems like it’s not even possible. They hurt us really bad.

Loves, I really hope that you found this article useful, because I decided to post it just because of that. I don’t want that something like this ever happens to anyone of you, ever. I will be back with youth the new, much happier post next week! Thank you for reading!